we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
