Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
