Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
