Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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