Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
