Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
