Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
