if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
