Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
