It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
