There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
