i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
