i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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