billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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