she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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