There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
