Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
His nipple licking is glorious
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
