So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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