I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
