she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He better not be in your backpack
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
