Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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