Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.