I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
whose parrot is this?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
