I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
