my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
