the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
