Small penises have feelings too.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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