I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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