Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
