i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
