i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
