Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i drank out of a bidet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
