my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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