giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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