It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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