I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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