Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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