I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
