did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
