Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
