Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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