She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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