RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
