he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
