He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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