Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
