she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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