If i come over, it means nothing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
