you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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