clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
