Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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