Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
