I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
