He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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