I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
