well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
