Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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