I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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