Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
