Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
