Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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