just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
