I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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