i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize