my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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