I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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