we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
