How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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